I'm a senior.
To tell you honestly, this is the first time it has really sunk in to me that I am truly a senior now.
You may ask, why now? Why now when you only have but a quarter of school left? Why now when you were needed to be serious about this matter three quarters ago?
The answer to that is- I honestly don't know.
I had 3 high school years to muck around with and I pulled through. I always pulled through but now I'm thinking, will I be successful this time? Will I actually graduate?
Will I get into my dream school and be happy with it? Or Will I get into any school at all?!!
I had my chance but I didn't know what I had when I had it. I procrastinated and ended up being all scared about it in the end, and that's when I decided to pull through, to fix the mess I did and again, I don't know if I will be able to do that this time, if my luck can get me where I need to be this time.
Luck? I really don't think what I've been doing for the past 4 years was luck. It's determination- of a procrastinator, that is.
I tell myself "You can do this, girl. You can, you really can." and I end up putting it aside for the joys that I really wouldn't be enjoying if it weren't for the education I'll be excellent in someday, but God or some inner-good self of mine shakes me awake and convinces me to start doing the job, ("study well, if you must") to conquer my lazy-self that will then be dominated.
But it comes back, the annoying thing. We are always going to fight our laziness against our will to do something productive.
Now it's time to be really serious, really serious and be all mature and do what is needed of me to be able to get through all this.
Gone are the days of "Tweet now, study later. Honestly, it'll just take a minute anyway." and "Omg, this is too freaking boring. I wonder what's in Facebook?" or the inevitable "I need to check out my Tumblr, I might lose followers!!!" and "Augh, I need something to read this is chicken shit."
Yes, now is the right time to lose my old habits of delaying tactics! And am I scared, you might wonder? (or not) Why, yes, I am.
I am scared shitless right now as I am as uncertain.
For that is what I am- I am a high school senior.
We get sappy about the last fieldtrip, the last christmas party with our friends and classmates, the last mass, or even the last subtle fart during a class.
The little things- not wanting to miss school for that crucial Physics quiz you may or may not fail anyway, the seatmates you have fun with, the people you want to see, having to pay for everything even for a temporary I.D. that doesn't even have your name in it (so what's the point? I still don't get it), going out with your friends after school, having to go home the latest, having the day off and not having to miss anything, missing the schoool bus, the inside jokes with your classmates, cute teachers, terror teachers, sadist teachers, the usual high school stuff. I could go on forever but I think I'll leave it to that.
Being in high school made me realize not to take anything for granted and if possible, do things that will make you happy in a much more positive way. These things shouldn't make you sacrifice what you really need to do, because then it wouldn't be such a great thing after all, if it made you all unresponsible and miserable afterwards.
Yeah, I love being in High School and I'm scared of getting into college but I seriously do not want to stay another year and do it all again, if you know what I mean.
And yes, we have roughly 2 months yet, not to scare you or anything, because I think I covered that part well already, have a breather when it gets too much, be serious when you need to be, break something to unwind a little. (not advisable but if you must do it, then don't break promises and anything that has glass in it or something that'll hurt anyone)
So, with that aside, good luck my fellow seniors! Here to hoping we get through all this with excellence and some fun while we're at it.
P.S. This blog post was inspired by the "bombardation" of entrance test results dates.
I'm shaking right now because of the anxiety, seriously, I am.